The Woes of a Stepparent

One of the greatest things I have ever accomplished is being a parent. Seeing how they grow and knowing that you’re the one nurturing that growth is instant gratification. I spent years and many losses thinking that I was never going to have that privilege. I had never really thought much about being a parent until my first miscarriage; once that seed of hope was planted it seemed that’s all I wished from life and I had this knowledge that I was going to be a great parent. We all fear that we are going to be failures and that we are going to mess up our children in some way. All we can do is our best to guide them but they’re pretty much going to take care of the rest; they are inevitably their own person with their own wandering souls. This is the way I have always thought so I never had any fears about being a parent; it’s just something that I felt was ingrained in me.The Woes of a Stepparent

Being a stepparent on the other hand is something that makes me feel so lost. I am not the one who carried him, birthed him, nurtured him, or watched him grow from an infant into a little boy. I am the outsider who has to learn everything from scratch and I will never know everything. I have had to hear things like “That’s not the way my mom does it.” Endured situations where I thought a things should be handled a certain way but in the end was reminded that I’m not really his parent so I don’t have the final say.

As time passes things get easier; you get a groove and create your own memories. Certain things that you do are preferred and missed when they are away; if your lucky that child will start calling you Ma. But there will always be that cloud hanging there that you are not the biological parent; the third wheel that often feels out of place.

Being a stepparent is so much harder than being a biological parent!

Having my daughter was a huge eye opener of how different things could be. When it comes to taking care of her and what’s best for her I don’t get argued with nearly as much. I hear “If that’s what you thinks best.” instead of “He’s my boy and I know what’s best.” I know things about her that nobody else knows because being a stay at home mom I am her constant caregiver. She prefers me more often than not over others and that feels amazing.

You can try as hard as you might but the bonds between the two are completely different. There have been certain people who have tried to shame me for taking more pictures of my daughter than I do of my stepson; I honestly don’t mean to. Some people just don’t understand and wouldn’t understand unless they were in the same position.

Being a stepparent means sometimes feeling like a glorified babysitter.

I cross my fingers and pray that it gets easier but all I can do is keep trying. Because as the saying goes “A stepparent is a truly amazing person. They made the choice to love another persons child as their own.”

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2 thoughts on “The Woes of a Stepparent

  1. Hi there, I do hope that step parenting gets better for you. I can only imagine what it’s like, as I am not a step parent but a parent who has to share my daughter with a step mom. I don’t agree with your statement of “being a step parent is harder than being a parent”. I do understand where you are coming from though. My daughter has a great relationship with her step mom. The step mom and I don’t communicate because of the relationship between my ex and myself. I have accepted that her stepmom is a part of her life and loves her, she is an extra person in my daughter’s life that loves her. I think this step parenting thing is different with everyone since we are all different Some accept their roles others struggle with it. I don’t think you should beat yourself up about this as long as you have accepted that you love this child and will do your part regardless of how many times the child talks about how his mom does something. A lot of this acceptance has to do with how you view things. Sometimes I get jealous when I hear of how great my daughter’s stepmom is but I pull myself back into reality because I prefer the relationship that they have rather than them not having a good relationship.

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    • Thank you for your comments. I guess I should have worded it that some aspects of being a stepparent are more difficult. A lot of the way I feel isn’t about how my stepson treats me, its more or less being accepted as his actual parent by his biological parents. I am helping to raise a child that I more or less feel like I have no say hence the statement where sometimes I feel like a glorified babysitter.

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